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More and more people have met their current partner online. And even if not successful, many people have participated in some form of online dating. In today’s modern world of adult relationships, if you’re seriously looking to meet someone, chances are that a dating Web site is somewhere in your future.

This is a terrifying prospect to most.

“What do I say, what kind of photo do I post? How do I screen other profiles? What if I meet him/her and they are not like their photo? What if I don’t like their personality?” To which, of course, the answer is always (infuriatingly) “Be Yourself.” Another sage piece of wisdom, “If it’s not a match, don’t take it personally and move on without emotional drama. Thank you, but no thank you.”

Easier said then done.

In therapy, we often talk about discovering people’s attachment styles and try to help them pick a better match. Often I try to help people go against pattern or type, especially if the normal pattern is the same mis-match over and over again. Sometimes in dating one can discover a mis-match over coffee, most of the time it requires a greater investment of time. And bravery.

And the willingness to learn about one’s self.

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